Yesterday, my friend Cassie was messaging me about grad school. She is planning to go back to school after being in the workforce for 5+ years and is currently studying for the GRE. She texted me and said, “Studying is hard. How do you stay motivated?”
And my answer was simple.
I don’t.
I don’t stay motivated. Some days I feel like I can accomplish anything. I feel like each item on my to-do list is no match for me and my killer productivity instinct. I feel unstoppable. Sometimes. Many other times I feel so overwhelmed. I feel like I’m never going to catch up on all the readings, meetings, experiments, statistics, and manuscript drafts. I feel like I’m sinking and drowning. Some days I feel like a failure. I feel like an imposter and that I shouldn’t even bother today because my best won’t be good enough. Instead, I just want to curl up in my bed and watch netflix. I feel all of these things, thankfully never all at once. So how do I tackle such an arduous and long task, like grad school, when my day to day motivation changes so much?
I am kind to myself. I am kind, forgiving, and I extend myself grace.
I told my friend Cassie, “The key is to not beat yourself up. It’s ok that motivation ebbs and flows.”
I’ve learned that when I’m less than productive, being upset with myself does very little to actually solve the problem. It’s then that I just end up feeling anxious, depressed, AND unproductive.
I told Cassie that the goal is to be disciplined but also be reasonable.
The funny thing about this whole exchange was that, in the moment, I had been feeling pretty anxious about my current productivity. I knew that I was doing “ok” but I also knew that I need to step it up a few notches to meet my graduation goals. So I was feeling that pressure and feeling a bit uneasy because of it. It was funny to see that I was so willing to tell another to stay grounded, while losing my own perspective.
After chatting with her I was headed out to another engagement. On the walk over I put on my favorite playlist; the one I retreat to when I’m wound up and I just need to be calmed down. Those hand picked songs, on my aptly named “chill” playlist, help to keep me centered.
I also have a playlist on youtube called “Chill Vibes” with many of those same songs that calm me down. Feel free to check it out.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1rjH98cvqsg&list=PLKxHeK7x9xNIk4dA2OOG2LKO6cYOwHeu3
In those 10 minutes of walking I briefly reviewed everything I had done that week. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of our action items completed when we feel like our to-do list isn’t getting any shorter. I took that time to remind myself that I am ok. I am worthy, competent, and wise. And although there are still things unfinished, look at what I HAVE accomplished thus far. And in those 10 minutes I remembered that I’m doing fine. I’m doing better than fine, in fact, I’m doing great. And it’s okay to acknowledge that you occasionally miss the mark because this doesn’t negate all the great things you have done.
I am always greatly encouraged by Ben Franklin’s quote:
“I was surprised to find myself much fuller of faults than I had imagined, but I had the satisfaction of seeing them diminish.”
Even Ben Franklin acknowledged his weaknesses. And he was also kind in recognizing that each day was a chance to improve and close that gap in performance.
Give yourself that same opportunity. Give yourself the space and grace to forgive yourself when you’re not always motivated or productive. It’s ok.
Be kind. Be disciplined. Be reasonable.
And keep going.