A Day Well Spent
Yesterday felt good.
It started slow, and admittedly it was tough to get out of bed. Then I thought of all the things I could do around the house. At first that stressed me out because I have a ton of unfinished projects in various forms. Then I decided to get organized. Export, export, export! It seems like there’s a bunch to do, and it can be overwhelming when all of the tasks are swirling in my head.
So I grabbed a whiteboard and wrote a quick list titled, “Things that will help me feel better & boost my mood.” That’s it. They were simple things like make my bed, empty the trash from my room, wash my face, go for a walk, fold & put away the clean laundry I did yesterday.
When I was in the bathroom washing up I played a new curated playlist on Spotify (I love those algorithms, they seem to always know what I need) called Feel Good Instrumentals. It’s exactly what it sounds like, and it was lovely. And I FELT GOOD. Despite the fact that it was 1pm and I was just getting ready, I was happy. And I was proud of myself for even doing that. I had spent the entirety of the day before in bed. So I could see progress. I was becoming “myself” again, or at least back to baseline.
For posterity I’ll mention that this is like 5 or 6 days into the nationwide protests following George Floyd’s murder. And at first I couldn’t place my fatigue, and then I realized it was in response to trauma. I felt emotionally overwhelmed, hypervigilant, and that was taking a toll on my energy and motivation. No wonder I spent most of Sunday retreating into a favorite fictional novel that I’ve previously read. I was shielding myself and doing something I enjoyed that required low effort on my part and also offered an escape.
I was able to shake off the bit of guilt for Sunday. In fact, I put it out of mind altogether. I remember looking in the mirror as I washed my face thinking, “Yesterday doesn’t matter. Let’s just focus on today, or right now.”
And I should say I didn’t end up finishing most of the things on the list. I wrote down ten things, and I completed four. And those four things gave me momentum. It helped me to push forward and begin planning other projects and ideas. It got me moving around my home and attending to other things. It was a start.
I remember thinking the following as I ended my day…
Now I feel good. I’m chilling in bed with a chocolate chip cookie, and I’m watching What’s New Scooby Doo on Netflix. I’m proud of my accomplishments today because it feels like the beginning of something great. Like I’m just starting to get back to my regular self. I love her. I love who she is when she is her whole authentic self.
So when I get a glimpse or a hint that she’s returning to her “final form,” it brings me joy. I wait with anticipation for tomorrow because I know I am once again drawing closer to the best version of her, the best version of me. And four simple tasks helped me get here, helped me start the process.
Today was a start.
Today was a day well spent.