I’m starting a new series I’m calling ‘The Self-Sabotage Series.’ These are short reflections, as I try to process the ways that I self-sabotage. I am earnestly attempting to recognize how I get in my own way and then unlearn these behaviors. I’ve decided to document my thoughts along the way.
Stop Hiding
You don’t need to earn your self-worth. Your self-worth isn’t tied to your accomplishments.
I am re-learning this right now.
Sometimes I feel like I need a project to be excellent, brilliant, amazing, exhaustive, and flawless because it represents me. And that pressure I put on myself forces me to hide. I hide instead of showing up and doing the work because I’m second guessing myself constantly. I’m so wrapped up in the BIG picture of the project and how I’ll be defined by its success or failure that I freeze. This is where my larger perspective isn’t super helpful. I need to recenter and remember that my worth isn’t found in these extrinsic projects.
My worth is inherent. A given. A foregone conclusion. And my success is inevitable.
When I’m grounded in these truths again, I find a small task I can work on from the project. Because I know zooming out too far makes me prone to feeling overwhelmed, I try to break the project down and work on the increments. Stay steady and trust the process.
“…scaling a hill is a lot less daunting than climbing a mountain, and sometimes all we need to get going is a little momentum.” -Caroline Zook
I know that I can only succeed if I start moving. No matter how small or incremental, I just need to show up and start.
Stop hiding and remember your worth. You can do this.
I am no stranger to burnout. It happens to me usually once a year. The worst part isn’t even the burnout itself; it’s the parts surrounding it. It is both the steady denial leading up to burnout and the guilt afterwards. In the “before” stage, I keep clinging to unrealistic standards for myself even though all the “meltdown imminent” warnings and red flashing lights are activated. I soldier on, pretending that this week, just this week, I can get through my mountain of work and obligations. If I just double down and grind harder, I can make it all work and stay on track. Heh, famous last words.
When my life inevitably heads off the rails, I’m left with the sobering reality that I have indeed run out of steam. For the next week or so, I step back from nearly everything and try to recharge. I put out the immediate fires but otherwise hone in on self-care and replenishing my energy. That’s the easy part. What’s next is the hardest.
How do I get back to “normal”? I mean, normal wasn’t exactly working for me, soooooo maybe I shouldn’t rush right back into that mess. And yet, at the same time, I still have work to be done. I can’t just be “recharging” forever. How do I create a sustainable workflow without jumping right back into unhealthy habits?
I start small, build momentum, and visualize my efforts. When looking at my to-do lists, productivity, and workflow, my plan is always to blow it all up and then rebuild. Every time it is so difficult for me because I’m such a perfectionist. Starting from scratch feels like I lost. Like I am a failure, and I can’t even figure out how to do my work. So on top of being anxious about burning out again, I have to wade through guilt and shame. Honestly, it’s a mess.
Fortunately, I have a wonderful therapist that helps me walk through these moments. She reminds me that I can be intentional about rebuilding my routines in a way that sets me up for success and minimizes guilt.
Small Goals & Quick Wins
The way I pull myself out of the burnout rut is by making goals that are too small to fail. I start my day with a few small objectives that I need to complete. By starting my day this way, I immediately notch a win and I can leverage that momentum for other tasks.
Right now I have 4 objectives on my daily morning list. That’s it. So even if I have a terribly off day and accomplish nothing else, I can still feel successful because I know I completed my morning routine.
Here’s a screenshot of my daily task app, Habitica.
I don’t have to wake up each morning and wonder what I’m gonna do and how I’m gonna do it. I can just start.
Every Effort Counts
The second thing I do is simply record what I work on. Some people call it an accomplishment journal, but I prefer to think of it as an energy ledger that is separate from my to-do list. This independence is especially important as a knowledge worker because sometimes there can be a ton of effort without a task actually being completed. For my energy ledger, I use a web browser app called tweek, or sometimes I use a white board. As the day progresses I simply fill in what I’ve done for the day.
Take stock of all the dope stuff you do daily
This is so important for me. Because regardless of how few big items got finished, I can clearly see what I worked on. I have tangible evidence of my hard work, and that’s what I need to rebuild.
This rebuilding process is about more than being okay energy-wise. Post-burnout, I really need the mental assurance that I can actually do this. That I have what it takes. That despite a setback I can reset and tap into my full potential.
When rebuilding from burnout we all need that confidence and stability that comes from knowing you are more than capable of getting the job done.
Because the truth is you are capable and you can do this, even if right now it doesn’t feel like it. In the meantime, set small goals, get those quick wins, and track your progress until you get there. You’ve got this, now keep going.
I read an email today that helped me gain some much-needed confidence. I’m subscribed to an email newsletter called “We Own Mondays,” written by Danial Hooper. The messages are short and sweet and to the point. And this week’s message really struck a chord. And it was only 57 words.
“Chip away
If you’re building, then you’re still working. Sometimes, when you’re cutting through a wall, each swing of the axe isn’t as strong as others.
That’s not what matters.
It’s important to swing the axe. To chip away. When you grow tired, to rest. When you’ve rested, to swing again.
Are you willing to swing today?”
I really struggle with getting started. Sometimes it feels like I have so much work ahead of me that I get paralyzed. Just thinking about all the work I have to do makes me feel overwhelmed. And that’s often because I have the final version in my mind. When thinking about my work, I know exactly what it should look like and feel like in its most perfect form. And yet, I see where I am, and it feels too far away so I get discouraged. So instead I’m changing my perspective for this week. I will erase from my mind the image of the final product and focus solely on taking a few good swings.
A “good” swing isn’t one that lands perfectly. When wielding an axe I know firsthand that sometimes you can miss the mark entirely. I can use this knowledge to help me let go and just swing. A good swing isn’t about the impact; it’s about the effort. It’s about showing up, creating tension in my midline, and producing a powerful swing. That much I can control. And I can swing again and again and again.
That’s my goal for this week. Each time I sit down for a work session, my mind will be on taking a swing. How can I take a good swing in the next 25 minutes? And the next 25 min after that? And again after that? It’s focusing on one single moment at a time and giving it my best effort.
I’ve been in a funk these last few days, and it’s been hard to find the motivation to begin. Now I have a tangible goal to aim for and it actually feels within reach.
I can’t always control how I’m feeling, but I can always show up and take a swing.
