It’s been about a month now of working from home. I think the official count is about 5-6 weeks. It has taken me this long to settle into something familiar and to feel like I actually have a handle on the days as they go by. In fact I feel like I’m actually living each day rather than letting the days simply go past me.
One of the most important things I did was do a full reset. I cleared everything. I wiped away any type of schedule or preexisting flow of work I had before the quarantine. I had a few Zoom meetings each week that I couldn’t avoid, but other than those 2-3 commitments per week, I spent the time how I wanted. I explained my situation to my supervisor (PI) and my professor, who I am TA-ing for this semester. I explained that I was NOT okay, and that my mental health was hanging in the balance. Both were very understanding and did their best to help me and give me the space and time I needed.
I started from scratch and slowly built daily routines. One of the first things I decided to do was leave my bedroom. That was a BIG step. With the world at my fingertips, it was easy to scroll through my phone all day. I just said to myself, “You know what? You have to get up and go in to the living room / dining room area once you’re fully awake.” There were no stipulations beyond that: just get up and literally sit upright lol.
Once in the living room area, I began opening the curtains and blinds to add more natural light. I then decided to make a cup of tea. Next, I chose to light the candle that’s on my dining room table. Afterwards, I started listening to a few podcasts. Then I wanted to do something with my hands while I listened to podcasts or video lectures on YouTube. I decided to color while I listened.
I went and dug out a coloring book calendar that my very talented friend Cassie made a couple years ago. The calendar is called Color Tompkins County, and you could color popular landmarks and seasonal events that happen in our town each month. It was awesome and surprisingly soothing to color and to also see and be reminded of the beauty of where I live. I desperately needed that reminder while stuck at home all day. Eventually I went from coloring to sketching and drawing. I walked to the pharmacy a few blocks from my house and bought a sketchpad for $2. (Okay, it’s actually a legal pad / writing tablet, but it has white pages and doesn’t have any lines, so I’m calling it a sketchbook. Lemme live my life!)
Eventually I started taking daily walks and listening to new albums from music artists I’ve been meaning to check out but never had the time. I also started reading more and listening to a ton of audiobooks and podcasts. And then I started journaling. I began writing just 10 minutes a day. That’s actually what I’m doing right now. (Though admittedly I’m on my second 10 minutes; sometimes you can’t stop, okay?) Slowly but surely my spark started to come back.
By creating something daily – journaling, coloring, sketching, etc.- I was able to slowly lure out such a fundamental part of myself. I am the most happy and thriving version of myself when I’m creating something. Whether I’m researching a problem, envisioning a solution, or trying to come up with effective strategies to advocate for others, it’s always about drawing out and expanding upon these ideas that I have way down deep. But for the better part of these last five weeks, I hadn’t had the energy to coax this creativity out.
Sometimes when we discuss being in a “rut” and how to get out of it, we talk over and over and over again about discipline, willpower, and how “You’ve gotta be willing to get uncomfortable!”. That’s all well and good for some people, but the older I get the more I realize how that doesn’t work for me. I need space. I need quiet. I need a blank slate to slowly rebuild routine and familiar habits. I need space in order to find the groove.
In February, I was reading this book called Present Over Perfect, by Shauna Niequist. I learned a lot about the power of slowing down for your sanity and for the sustainability of your daily life. In one chapter she talks about the groove. She uses a metaphor of her partner playing the bass. He creates these silky smooth and very groovy baselines all the time. And the mark of a good baseline isn’t a ton of notes. It’s actually the spaces between the notes. The smoothness of the groove is created in the margins. The groove is found in the margins, in the composition of the rhythm, and also in the margins we keep in our lives.
I’m learning to protect the margins in my life and resist the urge to fill every single space in order to be “more productive.” It has made a world of difference, and I want the same for you. Create the space where you can flourish, and your spark can come alive again. Find your mental clarity in the stillness, in the time dedicated just for you, where you can get just what you need.
Slow down, reset, and take care of yourself.
Find your mind space.
Give yourself a chance to find the groove.